My oldest daughter wrote this essay for High School this month.  I thought I’d share it as a story to inspire Dad’s and Mom’s that are trying to do the right thing by balancing listening, offering support and maybe a few little lectures and discussions of life skills.  Keep it up parents, It does work! You just might not see it working, but know that it is.  The greatest gift you can give your child is patience and support.

And am I lucky to have daughters that provide the occasion positive feedback.

If you find this useful, or inspiring please leave a comment at the bottom. It will only take just a minute.

Clear Blue

By Jackie Palmer

Wise, clear blue eyes look at my own shady gray-blue eyes promising encouragement and support.  “You will do fine, Honey!” My dad reassured me as we drove around a parking lot.  The day before, I had just got my learners permit and my dad had taken me out to learn how to drive.  It was my first time driving.  My dad looked at me as I tried to maneuver into a parking space.  His blue eyes full of sorrow and delight, sorry that I was no longer his little girl, but delighted that I was growing up. His large gentle hands laid relaxed on his knees, and his smile only noticeable by the slight lift of his peppered beard.

“Dad I really don’t think I am ready to drive,” I nervously whispered to him.

“Sweetie you will do fine!”

“You’re right Dad, just give me a second to calm down.”  After a while I was driving around the parking lot.

We drove together for two hours that day.  At the end he uttered the only thing I needed to hear, “Way to go Jackie!  You did great!”

We continued to drive almost every day until school had started back up.  When we drove, we did not just speak about how to park and what to do on the road.  During our drives we had some of the most serious conversations.

School, colleges, life, and so much more were chatted about during this time.  Once when we had just finished driving we were chatting about my friend who had recently moved away.

“Dad I really am going to miss Shannon.”

“I know Sweetie, but it is better for her family.  You will still be able to see her you know,” he told me with a gentle voice touching my shoulder with one of his big hands.  “She is going to your birthday party too.”

My birthday party soon came and once again my dad and I were in a car except this time I had my friends with me and I was not driving.  My dad had taken off work to drive us to Baltimore, Maryland to go to an anime convention.  My dad as cool as he is was not a big fan of anime but he went out of his way to make me happy.  He always tries to do what is best for me, whether I like it or not.

After the party, dad and I went back to our normal afternoon driving.  It was before school was about to start. I conversed with dad about the new school year.

“Dad I am worried I won’t be able to keep up in my honors classes,” I whined in a soft child like way.

“Don’t worry Honey you will do fine!” he once again reassured me with his calm confident voice and promising eyes.

“But Dad what if I don’t do well in Spanish?  I don’t think they will let me do Spanish 2 over again!” I roared in frustration.

“Honey you will do fine in Spanish and your honors classes.  You just need to calm down and focus on making it through this year.  I am sure they will let you take Spanish 2 over again if you need to.  So Honey don’t worry,” he replied reassuringly while I had parked the car.

“Don’t call me Honey!  And thanks Dad for having confidence in me,” I softly told him.
We don’t drive as much now that school has started but when we do it is always fun.  I feel when I am with my dad I can tell him anything.  I feel this way because whenever I stare into his clear blue eyes and he stares into my shady blue-gray eyes, I know that he will not judge me for anything I think, believe, or state. He won’t judge me because he loves me. He is my Dad.

Just something to make you stand up and go DUH!

Michael Faraday

The five essential entrepreneurial skills for success are concentration, discrimination, organization, innovation and communication.

Gustave Courbet

Fine art is knowledge made visible.

Tim Berners Lee

We need diversity of thought in the world to face the new challenges.

Michelangelo

I hope that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.

There is no greater harm than that of time wasted.

Tiger Woods

You can always become better.

Leonardo Di Vinci

I have offended God and mankind because my work didn’t reach the quality it should have.

Thomas Alva Edison

I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.

Sir Issac Newton

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants

Hunter S. Thompson

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming — WOW — What a Ride!

A friend of mine (twitter @kcreamer) recently told me about a great blog site litemind.com that is “Exploring ways to use our mind efficiently.” I’m finding this site to be a very fun and productive read since I have an interest in Whole Brain Thinking and the impact that brain dominance plays in our own abilities to be creative, achieve success in life and work, and be happy. I’ve only just begun to explore the site but in that process have discovered that twitter user @lucianop is the site owner and primary author.

These recent posts at litemind.com can help us begin to understand how greatness can be achieved. You might want to go read these and come back for my commentary:

Einstein’s Secret to Amazing Problem Solving (and 10 Specific Ways You Can Use It)

This article deals with the importance of critical thinking and problem definition in solving big problems.

How to be Great: Rising Above the Talent Myth

This article deals with the myth that we are born great. It lays out some practical steps for what is termed “Deliberate Practice” for achieving greatness. One thing is certain, when striving for greatness; it takes lots of practice and work.

Deliberate Practice, Self Actualization and Meta Cognition

The process of achieving Deliberate Practice can help you achieve Self Actualization. The ability to look at your own performance, in a non-emotional, non-judgmental manner is so very important on the road to Self Actualization. And Self-Actualization is required for sustained greatness.

Meta-Cognition, the thinking about your thinking, is key to the ability to look at ones-self and examine the good and the bad, and then deciding what to change and how. Progress toward greatness cannot occur without this introspection and correction. Yet many of us get hung up emotionally about our failing and faults and then come to believe that we can never eliminate or overcome our failings. Our failing become self-limiting beliefs.

Strengths Alignment

To harness your greatness you need alignment of strengths, goals and values and the identification and elimination of self-limiting beliefs. Otherwise, the effectiveness of deliberate practice is limited.

People have innate strengths, as highlighted in the Gallop Organizations StrenghsFinder book and assessment (also known as Strengths Finder) and the VIA strengths discussed by Dr. Martin Seligman When your work or play is aligned with your strengths (your core abilities), your ability to achieve mastery rises exponentially. In addition, people that operate in alignment usually can achieve “flow” or right brain thinking easily. And as one of the leading positive psychologists Dr. Seligman has learned, being in the flow leads to sustained happiness or achieving the so called “Good Life”. Deliberate Practice becomes much easier when you love your work and this love emanates from the alignment of strengths and the resulting flow.

You can read more about strengths at Why You Need To Assess Your Strengths Now.

Self-Limiting Beliefs

Additionally we are conditioned to believe that we are limited beings. Most of us travel through life with many self-limiting beliefs. Teachers, peers, parents, friends and others condition us from very early on to believe that we can’t do this and we can’t do that. These beliefs then form self imposed barriers to our own achievements. Truly great people identify their self-limiting beliefs (or don’t have them to start with) and work to tear them down and replace them with greatness beliefs. Tiger Woods belief that he would be greater that Jack Nicklaus is a great example of replacing self-limiting beliefs with beliefs of greatness. Consider as well the 4 minute mile. Until Roger Bannister broke this barrier in 1954 no one thought it possible (other than Roger). Then a month and a half later his record was broken. And since then, the sub-4 minute mile has become routine.

People wanting to achieve greatness have to start off with a belief system that the impossible is possible, and that they will be the one to make it happen.

In future articles, I will outline simple steps for identifying and eliminating self-limiting beliefs and replacing them with greatness beliefs.